While looking through my memories, I was surprised that there didn’t seem to be any particular order to them. It also seemed that a bit of thought or word could bring one up to the forefront with lightning speed.
Here is one that didn’t happen that long ago but is probably one of the most precious ones.
When my oldest granddaughter was born, I could not travel down to meet her until her first birthday. Of course, at that age, I was just a stranger that stayed long enough for her to get used to having me around every day. But that stay was for only a week. Not very long for a one-year-old child.
My son and daughter-in-law were perfect about sending me pictures and short videos of her advancement in years. The time flew by, and just like that, she was four years old! She would occasionally talk to a lady on the phone named ‘Grandma.’ But who was that? Her other grandmother just lived a mere few miles away, was called ‘Nammy.’ I was confident there wasn’t any way to confuse the two of us.
Finally, I was able to take another trip down. This particular trip was to surprise my son. I told my daughter-in-law about my plan, swearing her to secrecy.
She was all for this surprise. That’s when I told her I wanted to be there for my son’s birthday. That his birthday was the reason, I was coming at that time. It was planned that on the day of my arrival, I would pick her up at work and travel to the next town where my son was working and my granddaughter was at daycare.
When I picked her up, she said we should stop at their apartment on the way to my son’s work. I thought that she wanted to freshen up a bit. I was in for a pleasant surprise for her actual reason.
For the past few years, I had been getting worried that by the time I was able to come down for a visit, my granddaughter would have no idea who I was. Today, I would get a more profound experience at just what type of person my daughter-in-law is.
When we arrived at their apartment, she brought me down to my granddaughter’s room. What a nice room. She then turned me around to come back up the hallway. Just before we rounded the corner to enter the kitchen area, I looked at this collage of pictures inside a tall and narrow frame. She stopped at this same picture frame and said: “Mom, do you see this picture here at the bottom?” I looked at the one she was pointing to, which came to just about mid-thigh. It was a picture of me with my granddaughter the last time I was there…on her first birthday. I was surprised to see it so low. Until my daughter-in-law said, “Every time your granddaughter passes this frame, I ask her who this is in the picture; her answer every single time is “Grandma.” Don’t worry, Mom, she KNOWS who you are; she knows what you look like.” I knew I had tears in my eyes, but I didn’t care. My daughter-in-law had my back.
The plan was to meet my son (who still did not know I was there). We were going to meet him at the place where he was working that night. My son had taken on a second job for a short while to help them catch up with some of the bills they had. Having raised him on my own, I knew all about having a second job when needed. After they met up, they would go together to get my granddaughter out of daycare. Then they all would go to do some shopping, and then my son would go to work. My daughter-in-law and granddaughter would go home.
The place he was working at that evening was an office supply store. The building was part of a group of stores in what I call a strip mall. All of the businesses had outside entrances. In front of the office supply store, these giant pillars had a big enough circumference for me to hide behind. When my daughter-in-law saw him enter the parking lot, she warned me to go behind the post. I was able to see him park the car and walk to the sidewalk. There were a few other people in the same area, so he didn’t really see me until I was standing right in front of him saying, “surprise!” His reaction was priceless.”Mom!! How did you get here?” I was about to answer humorously, “by airplane.” But he was so blown away that I was actually standing in front of him. I swear I saw his eyes tear up just for a second.
That’s when I knew that the week before when I was talking to him on the phone, I heard something in his voice. I asked if everything was alright. His answer was yes, it was, but there was still that something in his voice that told me differently. This thought of it being time for a visit had been right on the mark. I’m pretty sure what I had heard in his voice that day was life kicking him around. He had just needed his mom for a bit. If for no other reason than comfort at knowing I cared. So instead of the smart-aleck answer I was initially going to reply with, I said: “I guess I just wanted to wish my son a Happy Birthday in person this year.”
We hugged and then went off to get my granddaughter. It was beautiful to be around this young couple, doing family living things. I was a bit nervous going into the daycare center. I am very conscientious around young children who don’t really know me. Most parents still raise their children with the rule that they should not speak to strangers. I respect and believe in that rule. I do not approach young children unless invited by them.
I was half right. My granddaughter was in her father’s arms, looking at me with a very shy but also uncertain look on her face. My daughter-in-law and son almost said simultaneously, who is that? I was not expecting “grandma” to come out of her mouth. Seeing someone in a picture is one thing. Seeing me in real life was a whole different ball game. But Grandma is what she said!
As the four of us left the daycare center, I inquired how far the stores were that they needed to go to. They answered with the name of the store we were standing next to! I had been too busy talking to them in the car to really notice where we were. I felt a little sheepish when we exited the building, and I saw another strip mall surrounding two sides of the parking lot we were in.
At one time in the store, my granddaughter was with her dad, I was behind them, and my daughter-in-law was somewhere else. Since my son was right next to my granddaughter, I did not have a problem that she wasn’t holding his hand. My son is a tall man and can look very menacing if provoked. I knew my granddaughter was safe. But then I noticed that she stopped to look at something, and my son was a few steps ahead. Since I was behind them, I stopped with her. I was about to scold my son when I realized he did it on purpose. He knew his mother would never leave his daughter alone. He was right on the mark with that one. It was a very smooth move that looked so natural; my granddaughter just started talking to me about the toy she was looking at. I could have kissed my son at this one. In the following days, I was going to discover that my granddaughter has a very determined attitude at times. If you were to suggest or outright tell her she needed to do something like get to know her grandmother, she would refuse to do it. I noticed in the store when we were walking up to where her dad had gone, she would not let me hold her hand. Little did I know that we (she and I) were going to have a discussion about that in just a short time.
The shopping didn’t take very long, and before I knew it, we were back at the place my son was going to work at. Sitting in the back with my granddaughter, I was able to talk with her a little.
After saying goodbye to my son, the three of us got into the car I had rented and were driving back to the apartment.
Things were quiet in the car for a bit, just a few sentences here and there between my daughter-in-law and me. Then I looked in the rearview mirror, caught my granddaughter’s gaze, and started talking about anything I could think of that a four-year-old might be interested in. How we got to the following discussion is still somewhere back in the recesses of my memory. But here is what I remember…
My granddaughter: “I do not like the color green.” I looked down to see I was wearing a green tie-dyed T-shirt. Me: “You don’t? Is that why you wouldn’t hold my hand?”
My granddaughter: “Yes.” Me: “what color do you like?” Granddaughter: “I also do not like the color red, or yellow, or black.” Me: “Wow, those are all of your mom’s favorite colors. What color do you like?” My granddaughter: “I like the color purple.”
I can’t remember the whole conversation that ensued after that, but I do know it was all about colors. I was still finding myself impressed with the absolute clarity in which my granddaughter let me know….”I DO NOT LIKE” Very crisp clear, and totally final! There would be no changing the mind of this young girl. She knew what she knew, and that was it! No bartering with this subject at all!
During the next couple of days, I spent some quality time with my granddaughter. Both my son and daughter-in-law could not take whole days off. I, of course, had no problem staying and watching my granddaughter. We had fun, and we got to know each other.
On the third day, everyone was home. We had lunch out; it occurred to me as I am now sitting across the table from my granddaughter that she is wearing a red shirt. I asked my daughter-in-law how she got her daughter to wear red. My daughter-in-law laughed and said: “Oh, I don’t dress her; she chooses what she wears herself.” I made absolute certainty that my granddaughter picked out the shirt she had on before I got her attention and asked: “Can I ask you a question?” My granddaughter: “Yes, Grandma.” Me: “Your mom tells me that you pick out the clothes you are going to wear, is that right?” She replied yes. Me: “Well, I am curious. You picked a red shirt, and you don’t like the color red.” I was not prepared for the look she gave me. I mean, if looks could kill! Her eyes squinted up, and I remember thinking that there was no way she was only four years old. That look usually comes out of an adult!
She looked down at her shirt and saw yes, the primary color was red, but there were a lot of big pink flowers on it. She smiled and looked up at me as she said: “Oh, well, there are also pink flowers, so that makes it okay to wear.” I looked amazed and then at my vertically pinstriped multi-colored blouse with a few thin green lines mixed in. I looked up at her to make sure she saw what I had just done before, saying: “Then it’s okay if grandma’s blouse had green in it?” Her grin was beautiful, and I think she even laughed and said: “Yes, Grandma, it is okay.”
The following summer, I sent her a picture of the garden in my backyard to show her the deep purple gladiolas I had planted. Adding a sentence saying: how much l LOVED the color purple!!